Friday, December 27, 2013

Time to do the end of year reflection tag again, but I'm just not feeling it this year for whatever reason. Last year was pretty shaky too, come to think of it. Perhaps end of years are usually blue for me. The whole Boston and India trip was pretty epic though.
Birthday's soon, but I have to keep reminding myself of it 'cuz I keep forgetting.
In other news, I am completely obsessed with Doctor Who, and I watched Sharknado at 2 am with a new-friend while packing, and chugging juice straight out of the carton. The makers of the destruction of whatever was left of Tara Reid's career, really don't know how to movie.
Someday, oneday, I will stop being afraid of being abandoned. I will. I will stop being afraid that my trust is going to be broken into tiny little pieces, and I'm going to be left feeling like the biggest fool in the world. One day, I swearitt. Until then, I shall keep at the whole being absolutely reasonable, calm, and chill on the outside,  and telling myself to ignore the sinking sensation in my stomach accompanied by blinding terror every so often.

Edit: You know what this means. I'm going to chop off my hair again.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

For a friend, far away

It started as a joke but rapidly took on a life of its own. I have always wanted to live with a friend, I've been lucky to have some wonderful women fall into my life, and I would very much like for this to happen some day.
Here's what I see: I see us in a room with grey cool floors, and a third floor balcony sitting by the window, watching the Delhi sun slip beneath the horizon. I see you with your glasses slipping down your nose and a contented black cat at your feet (or a tabby- who knows which stray creature you'll bring along home), singing absently along with Nina Simone. Or the Beatles, who've never let us down. I see me with a book by the window, a coffee stain on the page, that I wipe away guiltily with the corner of my skirt. I see fairy lights strung around the window and a banjo by the mantel and I see a whole lot of contentment and peace.
So, come. Come live with me, and we shall live out our youthful fantasies. Perhaps we will let our boys come visit. And a rag-tag bunch of friends. 
It is winter and I miss my friends, the sisters of my heart so very much. I wish I could encircle them all with my arms, gather them up, tuck them up tight into the corners of my heart. But the earth is so very vast and we are all so far away. Soon we shall be farther still- scattered twinkling lights, like fire-balloons that drift across a pink sky full of kites.