1. Ma: Ami bolechi na? I don’t like this nightclub byapar. Go at 9.
Me: *looking at pimple in the mirror* I think I should put toothpaste on it.
Ma: What? Toothpaste? Why?!
Me: The internet said so and the internet know everything.
Ma: Kono din shunini. (Never heard it before). The only thing toothpaste is good for is burns. Soothing effect hoy.
Me: Na, bloody soothing effect hoy na!How would you even know?
Ma:*wisely* Haan, that is how you got through that plane flight.
Me: No, the bloody friggin 'soothing effect' isn't how I got through it. I got through it because I slept a lot and silently imagined burning you all slowly, in my head.
Me: I asked Mohit already. He said that the dj only plays mixed tapes and the club is totally empty. No one’s there, and it’s true. Anyway, I’m 20, I earn, I do the dishes-
Ma: No you don’t.
Me: *ignoring her* AND I’m a 19 year old in a big city. OF COURSE I have to go clubbing at least once.
MA: I don’t even know who you’re going with
Me: You DO KNOW! Mohit!
Ma: Uff, I don’t KNOW him.
Me: Yes, you do. You’ve known him for five YEARS!
Ma: Yes. I never liked him. Kemon ekta mota ghyabla moton. Retest ditey eshechilo.
Me: You just saw him the one time! I can’t believe you’re being so superficial as to judge someone by their physical appearance! ALL the boys gave a retest for their preboards . Except Tony.
Ma: Na, I don’t like Mohit.
Me: You don’t even KNOW him!
2. Ma: You have to wash the dishes
Me: Ya, just give me two minutes
Ma: Na ekhon maajo na. Do what you have to do after that
Me: Arre, it’s just 2 minutes!
Ma: End e amakei maajte hobey
Me: Uff MA! Can you not just sit on the bed, relax? Just chill! You don’t always have to be doing stuff. You don’t always have to be standing!
Ma: Yes. Go wash the dishes, then I’ll sit
Me: No, you won’t. You’ll do other stuff. You’ll NEVER sit. You’ll ALWAYS be standing!
Ma: *pause* Shotti I tai. (It’s true)
3. Me: Yeah, Ma. Clearly, that is good parenting.
Ma: Don’t tell me about good parenting. Bolchi na, nightclub e jete hobey na
Me: Saying no to everything I want to do does not equal good parenting
Me: *looking at pimple in the mirror* I think I should put toothpaste on it.
Ma: What? Toothpaste? Why?!
Me: The internet said so and the internet know everything.
Ma: Kono din shunini. (Never heard it before). The only thing toothpaste is good for is burns. Soothing effect hoy.
Me: Na, bloody soothing effect hoy na!How would you even know?
Ma:*wisely* Haan, that is how you got through that plane flight.
Me: No, the bloody friggin 'soothing effect' isn't how I got through it. I got through it because I slept a lot and silently imagined burning you all slowly, in my head.
Ma: *rooting through books beside the fireplace?*: Kichu porar moto aache? (Is there anything worthy of reading?
*picks up 'Mist in The Mirror' Eta ki?
Me: It's a horror story. It's good.
Ma: *with incredulity* Horror Story?!!
Me: What?! It's a legitimate genre of fiction!
Aaaand this one’s been said before, but it’s so good, I have to say it again.
4. Me (while watching Koffee with Karan episode featuring Madhuri Dixit ): Ma, who are Deepika Padukone and Sonam Kapoor?
Ma: *very confidently* Madhuri Dixit er meye (M.D’s daughters)
5. *while watching me type this- I've begged off washing the dishes while I type this before I forget*
Ma: Ekhono tor du minute shesh holo na? (Are your 2 minutes not up yet?)
Me: Haan, ek second
Ma: Ekhon ek second!
Me: You can see it when I'm done
Ma: I don't want to see it, I want you to do the dishes.
Me: What is with the all consuming obsession with dishes?!
3 comments:
Ha ha ha ha.
Madhuri Dixit er meye holo, amra janlam o na.
I too am a 20 year old who lives with her ma.
And baba.
I have never seen what a nightclub looks like.
Only pictures I have seen.
:|
Ritwik- ek baar eta FB status korechilam. Ma very indignantly says that I'm making her look like a gawaar, and insists that I add the fact that she's a college lecturer and manages an art gallery.
Shy- situation ta different na? you live in india. in a house. NOT same room. nightclub empathy to you
Post a Comment